i'm been busy these days... my days are full of homework, classes, friends, gossip(lets hope not too much of it), music, and bass practice. every night i have the opportunity i play my dearest Carmen. it's like i'm addicted to this music making. i feel like i'm constanting making improvements---so i keep at it.

on another topic...sometimes i have such a hard time reading the Bible.

its almost this feeling of guilt that i get when i feel like i haven't been doing it enough. its that feeling of "awh, dang it!" i haven't read or prayed in forev. and then going back to reading and praying feels so horrid because i'm so guilt-ridden over my mess ups...

it's weird and it doesn't make logical sense, but i've had this trouble for years. recently a friend of mine started having daily devotions and experiencing positive effects. he explained the way it is with us reading the Bible every morning as opening up a bunch of little gifts God has for us. it's like: a dad wrapped up a bunch of really cool presents for his kid. his kid just runs out the door-- without a glance at them ---after a, "Bye Dad".

i never heard anybody explain it like that---and i certainly never thought of it that way. he told me to promise to do it, so this morning i told myself i would do it. just do it.

the first psalm i turned to read something along the lines of, "God's anger is kindled against His people..." i, naturally, felt an unsettled pit in my stomach and stopped reading. yeah, i know!, i thought. crap! this is really a great start...

after a long argument in my head over whether to even continue or not, i finally just told myself that if i didn't just do it i never would. so, i picked a new chapter and read through it.

i'm going to try to do this every day and see how it goes...

wish me luck~~~

they are leaving in less than two weeks...wow. dang that came fast. two years it dragged and now i'm stunned. like a deer in the headlights.

but the world continues and broadens and so does my social network ...the people i used to always go to in those tough times have completely changed...i don't go to them any more.....nothing's the same...but that is okay because i didn't wanted it to be.

but through it all, i've got a very special friend who some how managers to hold a special place in my heart...and this makes me happy ;)

life has changed ...i find myself tired alot...i don't know why. maybe its the stress. i'm not sure how i'm coping with it.

over all i generally adjust pretty easily to new circumstances...after all, for years in my younger ~gallavanting around the world days~ i was quite accustomed to never staying in one place for long...a year here. a year there. 2 years maybe. whatev. that was ok.

but this house/ home i've been in for 10 years....its crazy. i've been so ready to move on. to continue my galavanting days. but somehow i feel like it came too easy. too fast. and the choice is now mine. all mine. i love that. and yet i have this indistinguishable emotion through it all. almost like this confusion of, "wait!...this was supposed to take longer...and be harder"...

i don't think it's homesickness...no, its more like the horse that was trying to get free from the fence for so long and finally when someone comes and lets it out, it runs and just keeps running~the way it had always dreamed of doing~ but it becomes out of breath...and suddenly, wonders..."where am i going?"...."what am i doing?"...

i have no clue if that makes any sense. but.. . . ...